I’m not my dog’s “mom.”
As we wrapped up Father’s Day last weekend, my husband Matt turned to me and said, “No one wished me happy Father’s Day. And I’ve been a parent to a cat and a dog for five years!”
The thing is, my husband and I don’t consider ourselves “Mom” and “Dad” to Baxter and Ralph. Shortly after we adopted Baxter, I remember a conversation where I said to Matt, “Don’t call me Baxter’s Mom.”
We’re good buds. Ralph is our best girl. Bax is our dude. He and Matt are bros. But they’re not father and son (although Ralph and I are occasionally sisters-in-arms to balance out the testosterone).
I hear a lot of “pet parents”—there’s another label—called Mom and Dad. And that makes complete sense. Our pets are absolutely part of our family. We love them and care for them. Mom and Dad just wasn’t how we chose to identify ourselves. For our dog, we’re called Julia and Matt. As in, “Where’s Matt? Go find Julia!”
I don’t feel like eschewing the label of Mom and Dad signifies that we love Baxter any less. I often feel uncomfortable calling myself a dog “owner.” Baxter’s my family. I don’t own family members. And I certainly anthropomorphise my dog. Just not to the point that I consider him my offspring.
Interestingly, we have no problem calling our parents Grandma and Grandpa in relation to Baxter. And they identify themselves that way too. My Mom had a whole conversation last week with Baxter about how he was her favourite grand-dog. (He’s her only grand-dog for now, but I chose not to mention that).
What do you call yourself for your dog? Are you your dog’s Mom or Dad?
We’d love to hear about it in the comments!
Julia Thomson is a blogger at Home on 129 Acres where she writes about her adventures of country living and DIY renovating. She and her husband live on a 129-acre farm in Ontario, Canada.
Baxter and Matt:
Dixie
Wednesday 22nd of February 2023
The thought of calling myself my dog's mom makes me want to stick a finger down my throat and gag! He is my canine friend. I'm sorry, but I don't worship at the doggy shrine like many people do. I do not (and can't) treat my dog like family because that would mean putting a leash on my husband and children and taking them out for walks so they can poop and pee, nor can I put their food in dishes on the floor for them to eat from. Conversely, I don't put a place setting at the table for my dog. I can go out with my husband and children to public places without having to put them on leashes. So anyone who says they treat their dog(s) like the rest of the family is isn't really thinking.
Sorry, but people are people and dogs are dogs, so they must as a necessity be treated differently.
Lori Hilliard
Monday 6th of November 2017
We have a dog and a cat. The dog is my "baby," and I refer to myself as his dog mom. The cat, however,I simply refer to by a variety of nicknames, none having to do with me being a cat mom. Let's be honest - dogs need a parent more than cats do. Not sure if this is why I differentiate, but it's as good a reason as any. My cat can take care of herself whether I'm gone for a day or a week. The dog? Not so much.
Annie
Friday 18th of August 2017
My dogs are my dogs. My buddies, my friends, my partners in crime, my companions. I compete in dog sports with my dogs and we have a special bond through working with each other. I can't stand when people call me a dog mom because I don't have that kind of relationship with any of my pets. I love them and spoil them for sure, but my role is not to bring them up to be functioning, decent human beings (like a mom would for her children) my role is to train them to be tame animals functioning in a human society.
I don't care if other people call themselves dog mom or dog daddy to be silly, but it's not for me. I am a bit uncomfortable when people literally treat their dogs like babies though. I feel it shows a lack of respect to what a dog is. They are much more capable, independent, and intelligent than babies...
Jen Gabbard
Thursday 13th of July 2017
As you say it just depends on what you choose to call yourself, and what you're comfortable with. I don't use the term dog mom myself, but it doesn't phase me when someone else does. The weird thing for me is that the term owner doesn't bother me, though intellectually I know it should. I think I'm just so used to it I don't even notice.
Sarah
Wednesday 5th of July 2017
My other half took a while to come around to the idea that some habits are by their very nature, just what dogs do. Like digging holes in the lawn. She loves to dig and why wouldn't you try to find that chirping cricket? So I've tried to steer that off the lawn and into what was a veggie bed, which for the most part has worked, but I do wish the crickets would move out of the lawn. My mum was the first one to tag me as my dog's mum, by referring to herself as my first dog's grandma, so I've been mum to my pets since I was a teenager and that seems normal to me. I've never received a mother's day card from them though, but I did get a Christmas card one year from the cat.